It's not like it's meth!

I had high hopes of regular blog posts over the past two weeks. Unfortunately, the day I posted my last one, we were hit --- by strep one week, and a nasty virus w/ 104.5 degree fever the next. Three trips to the pediatrician in 10 days were more than this working mommy could handle. My return to sequential nights of two or three hour chunks of sleep seemed cruel and unusual punishment (how did I live like that for years at a time?). Needless to say, I coped with increased size and frequency at Starbucks. My usual grande latte turned to a venti mocha (yes, with the whipped cream), sometimes in addition to a cup of coffee before even leaving the house. Knowing full well that sugar would only "feed" whatever virus I might be battling, I still added volumes of it to my diet in the form of raiding the Halloween stash early, eating spoonfuls of my kiddos’ Halloween sugar cookie batter, and getting Papa Murphy’s when I was too tired to cook. Whatever it takes to survive the day, I told myself.

The Twix and pizza hangover the next morning got me thinking about the food-mood connection, something we all know, but often don’t think about in our state of altered consciousness. In 12-step programs they have an acronym “HALT,” which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Basically, a reminder not to make any major decisions or do anything drastic when in one of those conditions. I would add sick to the acronym, but “HALTS” doesn’t quite work. Anyway, as I lived through my week of sleep deprivation, cold, and caffeine and sugar roller coaster, I was reminded once again just how linked my mood is with my body. Irritability was the primary and OBVIOUS change (just ask my husband or kiddos), but distractibility and melancholy were also apparent. As I listened to myself snapping at my kids for being kids - disinterested in putting on shoes or brushing teeth - I found myself frustrated with my lack of acceptance. And then I remembered, ACCEPTANCE!! Not only do I need to work at accepting them, but in times of physical run down especially, I need to consciously accept myself. 

I’m human, and some days I’m just doing what’s necessary to get by (fortunately, I haven’t resorted to meth or anything). No, I’m not my best self on those days, but I’m myself, a person who is absolutely vulnerable to moodiness and mistakes, especially when my body is rundown and running on stimulants.

My coming undone must’ve been more noticeable than I care to admit, because after a couple days of this, my awesome hubby canceled some work obligations to relieve me from kiddos from 4:00-bedtime. After a 30-minute nap, I was able to apologize to my son for snapping more than normal and give him a quick blurb about mood, sickness, sleep deprivation (probably sounded like the Peanuts teacher - "bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh). I’m sure it went in one ear and out the other, but I hope he heard the “I’m sorry.” And as much as I hate that he noticed my snappiness, I was relieved that he noticed, reminding us both that this isn’t my norm.

Now I sit, Saturday morning, sipping my green shake, taking my vitamins, preparing for the gym, thankful that the week’s over and that I’m starting to feel normal. While I know patience to be one of my strengths, I also recognize that this week, I totally lost it! I hope that by noticing why and sharing it a bit with my little ones (even after the fact) I’m role modeling that no one is perfect: we roll with the punches, get through how we can, apologize when we mess up, and start a new day.